Really really cannot take it any longer...

Dear Blog,

I was very disappointed today like many days before but today was the last straw, right now, i badly need someone to talk to.

I'm just a useless bum in the eyes of my dad and has never ever been able to make him proud or anything unlike my brother who was athletic and has won many trophy and done well in CCAs. My results has been better than average but still it was never enough. He does not care, he has never asked about me at all. Just what am i to him? I have 2 younger brothers and I feel that I'm just not necessary at all. All my life since age 2, i have to play the role of the older brother and set an example for them. But they have never followed my example at all? My life has always been to be the self-sacrificing brother, controlled by my dad. I know that he is busy with work and all to give us money but sometimes i just want him to be there for me. All the money in the world can't give me that. That's all i ever wanted from him

I know i have not been doing my best in looking for a job for the past 2 months and have been going out very often and he is worried and all. But i did applied for lots of jobs.

Please let me get the job next week! so that he will get off my back and let me have my peace. Right now, I don't need anyone already. I'm more independent than ever. When i get a job and have enough money, the first thing i'll do is move out and live on my own.